Captain’s Log 2087-11-12
Okay, even at 113 years old, I am still not funny. However, the original Star Trek was a great show, even though I only saw it in reruns. This is my journal entry for today. I have been writing in this journal for over 70 years now. The year is 2087 and I have been single for 87 years…I am not sure, but I think I am cursed or something.
This morning, as the sun Shields on my windows open slightly while the visors stay closed, I listen to the information coming across my Sputnik. They tell us that we are going to have a high “solar toxicity” day. This is our warning to wear our solar protection suit when going outside. I know that the suit is for our protection, but it is simply “AWKWARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE”, so I will avoid going outside today. The Sputnik implantation device, in my head, seems to be, malfunctioning sporadically. It is only 5 years old and yet it seems to be on the fritz already. I don’t want to go back for another surgery, to fix it just yet, no matter how unobtrusive they say that surgery is now. The Sputnik is a device that is implanted into the brain. It is a “turbocharged” version of the old “voice assistant” that was introduced 71 years ago, in 2016. The voice assistant started out as a simple “smart speaker”, and has grown into a device implanted in, and powered by the brain. Who knew that things could be powered by the brain?
The life expectancy of a human in 2017, when I started this journal was 79 years old. Now, in 2087, it has jumped to more than 150 years old. I LOVE my mom, but now I get to hear her complain about me being single, for even longer. After the Google and Microsoft merger, together they were able to skyrocket human life expectancy. In this merger, the two of them became the powerhouse “Migro” (the name sounds like something you put on your flowers to help them grow). Migro, as the largest and wealthiest company in the world, has purchased many companies like Facebook and Amazon. I heard on my Sputnik, that there was going to be a merger of Facebook, Apple, and Amazon. However, Migro was too powerful and Apple was left out in the cold, barely hanging on. Apple might have to close their doors for good.
At this point, I am known as a man of few words. I do this journal so that I have someone to “talk to”. Of course, I write in this journal, using old-school methods. I actually use a computer, keyboard, and type with my hands. Others constantly make fun of me for this. “Typing with a keyboard is so antiquated,” they say. I say “at least I am not using a typewriter”. That always stops the conversation in its tracks. I went out to dinner with my mom and some of her friends the other day. One of her friends said to me “my husband bet me, that I could not get you to say even three words tonight”. She then looked at me and said: “what do you say to that?” I simply replied “you lose”, and said nothing the rest of the evening.
We have all of this technology, which seems to help us. And believe you me, there is a lot of tech and it helps significantly. Yet, this journal shows me that, I am still an extremely boring person to talk to. As I said, I have been writing in this journal for 70 years and life has not changed much. Ok, let me clarify, “MY” life has not changed. Actually, my “ROMANTIC” life has not changed. Every year I thought “this or that” might change things, but sadly they did not. Having a significant other ALWAYS makes life better. After I moved into the house that I built in 2017-2018, I should have taken the recommendation to use a matchmaking service. We now know, if there is one thing that I am really good at, in my 113 years of life, it has been “procrastinating”. Yet, if there are TWO things that I am good at, then “making excuses” is the other.
In all of this technology that we have, we still do not have a time machine. No time machine means that I cannot go back and change anything. I would not go back to win the lottery nor would I invest in Google, although I’m sure many would do both. Instead, I would go back and talk to that woman that I used to work with, even though she said libary instead of library (kind of annoying). I would go back and ask that woman, that I met at the grocery store over 6 decades ago, out to dinner. The truth is that money means nothing without a significant other, and that is why I give so much away. I also would not have implanted this, very annoying, sputnik device. Although Microsoft merged with Google, apparently Microsoft still makes the computers and sputnik devices, and they are not very good. This “thing” in my head did not even go a full five years, without problems. Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. Kirk out…nope, I’m still not funny.
Captain’s Log 2087-11-12